Some of you may have already seen the following unembeddable horror I am about to unleash upon your brains. The key word here is ‘OneVote’ — and if that name means something to you, I’d highly recommend you don’t click on the following link lest your eyeballs melt from their sockets on a repeat viewing of the idiocy.
For everyone else, click this link:
Well, that’s three minutes of your life you can never get back.
For those of you who were too afraid to click on the link, it takes you to a website called OneVote. What is OneVote you might ask? I’ll let them explain:
OneVote.com.au is an independent, non party specific web site set up by concerned Christians who want nothing more than to keep Christian values in every part of our lives including government, schools and our community.
That’s right. Fuck subtlety, these guys are going for the blatant Theocracy Now! approach to campaigning: We want our religion in your life, and if you think differently you can go burn in hell.
Seriously though, they want to keep Christian values in our secular schools? Our secular government? What the hell are Christian values doing in there in the first place? Seems like somebody missed the day of school where they went over the Australian Constitution — specifically this bit:
The Commonwealth of Australia shall not make any law establishing any religion, or for imposing any religious observance, or for prohibiting the free exercise of any religion, and no religious test shall be required as a qualification for any office or public trust under the Commonwealth.
But then, I suppose that section of the Constitution is probably considered too anti-Christian to be taught in whatever school the OneVote collective attended.
Enough of their aims, though — how do they want to achieve this lofty ideal (that presumably looks something like the Dark Ages)? Well, for one, we can’t have a dirty no-good atheist as Prime Minister. Don’t you know she’ll eat babies during question time!
Their main ire is aimed at the Greens, however, with the gist of things seeming to be that Bob Brown is the anti-Christ leading a dark horde to oppress and slaughter Christians in environmentally sustainable ways. Or, as they put it:
The Greens are ideologically anti-Christian with a specific anti-Christian agenda!
Interesting. Tell me more about this anti-Christian agenda, oh Oracle of Insanity? (Note: Spelling errors are from the original text.)
The Greens anti-Christian agenda includes:
1. Removing the right of any Christian organisation, including Christian schools and churches, to employ exclusively Christians
Yes, how horrible that you might not be able to discriminate against who you employ. After all, if they aren’t Christian, they must be unclean.
Seriously though, I get that the priest or minister is going to have to be Christian by definition (not much controversy there) — but why should you have the right to discriminate against, say, the cleaning lady? Do heathens just not dust as well?
2. Replacing school Chaplains with secular counselors
And again, I remain somewhat perplexed. Most people would consider replacing someone who is completely unqualified to be a counsellor (i.e. a Chaplain) with someone who is specifically qualified to be a counsellor (i.e. a freaking counsellor) would be a good thing. Yet, for some reason, you think mental health advice and social counselling should be given by people who have a specific ideology to promote that actively discriminates against large segments of the population.
3. Removing Scripture teaching at state schools
4. Stopping Prayers in parlaiment
Okay, again: You’re aware that these things shouldn’t be happening in the first place, right? Children at state schools should not be having ideology foisted upon them during class time in the guise of proper education. Scripture has no place in a state school, and prayer certainly doesn’t have a place in Parliament.
5. Providing abortion and euthanasia – effectively on demand
Woo! Yeah! The Greens are all about on demand abortion and euthanasia! Wait…what’s that, Green’s website? You have something you want to show me?
The Greens policy on abortion includes a right of access to legal abortion, with access to counselling on personal and medical issues involved.
[The Greens are] committed to the proposition that individuals have a right to choose to die with dignity, to bring an end to the pain and suffering they may endure on their death-bed provided they are psychologically capable of doing so, are not placed under duress and that proper processes and safeguards have been followed.
Huh, how strange. That doesn’t sound like on-demand abortion or euthanasia at all. I guess that OneVote were lying out of their arses. Again.
6. Recognizing same sex marriage and promote same sex adoption and surrogacy
Goodo. I’m always up for a bit of unadulterated bigotry — I was wondering when it might make an appearance on this list.
I must say though, I’m still not sure how this last one ties into an anti-Christian agenda. After all, it’s not as though anybody is going to be forced into a homosexual marriage: The option would just be on the table. And it’s not like that many Christians would want to engage in homosexual acts anyway, right?
…okay, scratch that last one.